I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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