Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
