it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
