like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I want to be your penis for a week.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
