It's like God shit irony all over that family
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
