In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
