You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
