Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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