I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
