i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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