I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
