I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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