i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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