Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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