if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
