I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
how drunk are you?
Several
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
