I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
