There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I yelled at your uterus for you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
