he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
