So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
