I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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