We won't sleep together?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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