in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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