gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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