we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
