I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
