I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
