I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
