i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
