Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
