Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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