Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
