remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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