just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
