You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
