the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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