I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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