I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Come see our sink grown plant.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
