I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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