This girl is more easily done than said...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
