I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
