I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
