I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
whose ass print is on the piano?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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