dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
