Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He did a backflip because drugs
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