look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
ttyl tear gas
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
