i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
