im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
