Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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