i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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